There is a teenage lady in my
family. Teenage ladies are a mysterious
species of their own, but not that long ago this particular specimen had a
habit of standing in front of the mirror combing her hair and quite unabashedly
admiring her reflection. Her grandma
didn’t like it, telling her to stop staring.
I, for my part, didn’t like what the grandma did and told HER to stop it,
even though I understood her distaste for vanity. There are more important forces at play
here.
We are all more or less aware of
the pressures on women as regards their looks.
My guess is that it is much worse for teenagers now than it was a
million years ago when I was one, and it was bad enough then. The young lady stopped admiring her
reflection soon enough, and will undoubtedly go through a significant amount of
self-doubt in the future. It will be
some time, probably decades, before she is again as pleased with what she sees
in the mirror as she was a few years back.
Or maybe she never will be that happy with her looks again.
So I say go for it. Admire yourself, young lady! It doesn’t matter who else sees it, you be
proud, stare in that mirror and tell it, and everyone else, that you look beautiful.
Because there is nothing to be
ashamed about in liking your looks.
And yet somehow we’re made to
believe that there is. A year ago
British journalist Samantha Brick wrote an article
for Daily Mail in which she analysed the pros and cons of being a beautiful
woman. I started reading the comments to
the article – there are a total of 5725 – but had to give up because they were
so horrible. It looks like by declaring
herself good-looking Ms Brick had opened some kind of pandora’s box of spiteful
comments.
What Ms Brick said was
problematic and in my opinion quite anti-women. According to her, women are total bitches to
those prettier than them – going to such lengths as torpedoing their
careers. While you may expect this to
elicit comments, I would have thought the comments to focus on the problematic
proposition. Yet they often did
not. What people appeared to be most
upset about was the fact that Ms Brick dared to call herself beautiful when she
was (in the opinion of the commenters) not.
Ms Brick detailed the backlash,
including over 1000 hate-filled personal e-mails she’d received, in a follow-up
article,
calling – understandably – the experience “soul-destroying”.
Who cares what you or I think about
the looks of one Samantha Brick? And
what or who would give us the right to voice that opinion anyway? Where are the manners of all the people who
think it ok to publicly declare someone “rather plain with crooked teeth”? Didn’t their mums teach them anything?
Samantha Brick feels beautiful,
and I say good on her. I hope she has
recovered from the upset caused by all the vitriol, and continues to look in
the mirror, like my niece used to, and admire what she sees.
I completely agree with what this. Why do we constantly need to attack others on their opinions or possibly play devil's advocate just for the sake of it. Internet trolls are becoming more and more regular, sometimes driving people to suicide. Pretty, smart girls getting bullied at school, ending up hating themselves who are ending up doing something stupid to get over it.
ReplyDeleteSeeing people who get bullied, turning into bullies later in life is horrible. Hopefully some come out of it better for the experience and can go on living better lives than their bullies.
Found a poster once that said "Someone who hates you, normally hates you for one of three reasons. They either see you as a threat. They hate themselves. Or they want to be you."
Hi Ioana,
DeleteYou're completely right, and it is important to put bullying into perspective especially for teenagers. I just want to highlight two points from your comment.
First, it at least appears completely true that internet has encouraged bullying and trolling by making it easier. We probably sometimes don't even realise we're bullying when we write stuff on the internet. I've always thought that a good test before making a comment is to ask myself whether I'd be comfortable making the same comment to the face of the person.
Secondly, bullying in all its forms peeks among teenagers. The shocking thing for me, at least, has been to notice that it doesn't stop, though. Adults bully too!